bumpkins we're all bumpkins

illusion, delusion confusion

mental intrusion

you say you like her

you watch her

observe her

courtier her

i see you

want you

love you

but your gaze

and her gaze

are intertwined

its so confined

connected

yet subjected

loves embrace

with feelings haste

away, begone,

so long

ill love you from afar

its so bazaar

to have to be this way

after this long day

after this long path

you shall surpass

and i shall bid farewell

surrender me to hell

heavens dell

i will not tell

shall not tell

dare not tell

can not tell

goodnight

goodbye

sleep well

sweet dreams

as on moons tide

further shall you glide

on loves true wing,

and yokes fine breath

goodnight

sweet dreams

my one

my love.

Life, Family, Drama, Confusion... Utter Confusion

In freedom writers they say that no one listens to a teenager, and they're right, See adults have this preconception, that because they've been in the world for longer than you, that because they've been a teenager before that they automatically know best, that they are automatically right in every situation because theyve dealt with those 'teenages hormones' before. But they forget that life as a teenager, while largely fluctuating, is based on real thoughts, emotions and events not simply 'hormones'. They also forget that every situation is different.

See situation is not just a matter of where you are when something happens, but it is based on the individual mind in a far more complex structure than pessimism and optimism. The world is shaped around certain events both pessimisticaly viewed and optimistically viewed depending on the mood of the individual, and each one of these events shapes ones outlook. Therefore, the way we percieve events, even over the age span is entirely unique and individual. Take, for example, the everyday fight between a child and their parent.

In this situation as in most, a child has said something the parent sees as defiance a way of flouting the rules, testing boundaries because in 'reality' the parent is in charge of the childs existence, they clothed them and housed them and fed them for all of their life. While this is true it is, like many things only one side of the story, one side of the coin. From the childs point of view the parent bought them into the world and for this the parent is responsibly for them, but rule and control has to be based on trust.

Many rulers rule by one policy, in china Mao Zedong ruled only in relation to peasants, completely turning on the 'capitalists of 'rightists' however he forgot that in a successful economy you need people who are educated enough to run the economy and thus reap the benefits they deserve. How does this relate to life, quite simply, parents want there children to be one hundred percent good and when they're not they expect an apology, while that is legitimate is it not fair to reason that when they are wrong we as people need an apology, life cannot simply go back to the way it was for while they may be sorry in their mind, the expressed word is far more genuine than a thought.

Quite recently i experienced this 'thought apology' at a friends house when a mother sent a child to bed without supper as a punishment. In the mean time she felt bad for this, yet she never sought to tell him this, and in the morning when the issue was not resolved in his mind and he felt the need to once again rebel, the point he was making i am not sure, but he was sad and that i understand. He was however punished again, yet unlike the mother the issue to him was unjust.

So how can we resolve this situation, its alright to say, look at it from the others point of view yet where in the world are you going to get two people consequentiality looking at the others point of view from the height of extreme emotion. Ive done it, and felt the calm knowing you get when you gain control of your emotions before digging yourself a deeper hole, yet how did that help me? My elder was still enraged at my accidental sarcasim as i asked for his help when he was not free to give it, yet, his demand for an apology came after his wrath as he, in return for my 'sarcasim', berated me. I could not justly give it, for that would be a blatant lie, and i felt would've disregarded me as a person, yet i could not expressibly say this as it would be seen to be disregarding him as a person. Indeed it may have as words have a strange effect on the angry mind. Insteed i said nothing, and my feelings went unrecorded while his continued to fly at me. While i undoubtedly started the situation out of careless phrasing I felt wronged for while i started the blow it was not me who took the first punch, as in war, it is always the one not who taunts but who strikes who is seen to have started the war.

Yet how does any sense of knowing help us? both parties still feel wronged, but to discuss ones thoughts would require a complete act of neutrality which would be broken the moment one spoke a word that was not to the other liking.

How can we resolve this situation which has existed across time? The truth? we cant, and one day, a day i truly dread, we may be faced with the same situation with us however being the parent.

And so, i leave you with this; Dulce et decorum est; it is honorable to die for ones country.

The question; is it honorable to die (suffer in silence) for family unity? or will that pent up rage cause an even greater rift?

sitting in the dark,

you cant see the light,

so you watch and wait,

till someone turns it on

opens up a door,

beckons you to come

filling up your life,

instantaneously

all this, you know,

happens unexpectedly

for when your in the dark,

you cant always see,

what was always there

right in front of you

I see the lines over her face

like scaring in the blue

colors speckled on her wrist,

self-similar hues.

I see the fall,

the crushing wait

still, i yearn to sing that song

to stumble yonder stony path

and take thy dreaded step;

that shalt end thy days young suffering.

The stars align once more

as the moon shines high above

and so, i take the final plunge

a fate yet prepossessed

with final breath in life's tumult,

i shalt gasp well hidden truths

which have long awaited beneath thine lips

and within once slighted mind.

You shall know for once, for sure

the words i wish to say

for words of un-regret beware,

revelations on thou way.

rambles of a clouded mind....

are you in the dark

as clear as the day

are you in mind,

as abundant in form

your heart as strong as skin,

as strong as in the hand

as mind in mind

and eye to eye

everywhere i am

could it be obsession, that envelopes such thoughts so

or just plain possession, preen, vie and obsession

confession yet silent ,

agony waits,

as in the darkness

soundest burdens blight:

still, we hide within night

I watch within that silence, as the night turns into day

blooming buds of green,

over fence yon whicher way

unable to speak with freedom

i will for night to turn

so i can confess possession

in loves one true succession

An ode to poems lost

As life poured in to art,
to form angelic rhyme
expressions from the heart
blew forth to phantom time

But Abaddons breath grew stronger,
nature took its toll on man
taking life from memory
un-fossilised, un-formed

up from that lonely landscape, grey
life labored for a breath
one rung on lifes long ladder-
yet left for him to fall

Abaddon’s crafts were wicked,
as ink swelled upon her form
with last now coming first
Styx’s unyielding kilter true

and so, your grave approached you
with godless intervene,
sidling to thou grave,
un-lived and yet un-seen.